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Salvage Chapter 47 Commentary
And so we come to Chapter 47, the first of the "reboot" chapters, as it were.
This chapter, as well as the next two (assuming nothing gets shifted around/extended), originally came directly after the chapter where Leo manages to crack the Rocket computer: Nate and the protagonist went their separate ways from that point, Nate to prison (whoops) and the protagonist to Orre with Mewtwo and Absol, still without its team. As a result, a lot of the content in them is going to remain the same--in both cases they'll fall at the beginning of an arc and mostly be concerned with setting up that arc's direction, introducing relevant information and characters. However, this time around the tone is a bit different--the protagonist's relationship with Mewtwo hadn't deteriorated quite so much in the old version, and this arc is instead where that would be happening! And, of course, not having Titan and the rest around made a big difference.
This Chapter 47 was originally only the first half of a chapter, with what now makes up the first half of 48 rounding things out. Due to trimming both here in 47 and last-minute changes to 46, I think ultimately I probably could have mashed those two together to get one long but reasonable chapter, and that would probably be my ideal. I like the idea of one chapter dedicated to getting from Kanto to the Cipher Key Lair, which will be our home base in Orre, and then laying out the general thrust of the protagonist's plan to indicate the direction of future chapters. As it is, though, not terrible to have a couple shorter chapters in the mix after some beastly long ones towards the end of the previous arc.
The introduction of this chapter is virtually unchanged; it's only once we actually arrive at the factory that things change. Because, naturally, the protagonist's pokémon are here this time around! I honestly like the initial "exploring the factory" phase better in the old version; I think it was tight and nicely atmospheric with just Mewtwo and the protagonist in the mix--the focus is much different with the pokémon there. Here are a couple bits I'm rather fond of but which I had to cut:
On the other hand, at this point I like the final part, where the protagonist argues with Mewtwo, better in the original version. At this point we've seen plenty of Mewtwo bullying the protagonist, at times quite spectacularly! Having Rats there to push back and change the dynamic a bit makes things more interesting, I think. I like where things are going to go with Rats in particular in Orre; again, in the previous version she wasn't around to have any say in this nonsense whatsoever, but now she is not having any of Mewtwo's bullshit.
That's all I really have to say on this one, I think. There's not a lot going on here besides scene-setting and getting everyone in position to kick things off properly. With the next chapter we'll be introducing some new characters, enjoying a bit of Orre Lore(TM), and slowly moving into the rising action for this penultimate arc of the story. Looking forward to it! Orre at last.
This chapter, as well as the next two (assuming nothing gets shifted around/extended), originally came directly after the chapter where Leo manages to crack the Rocket computer: Nate and the protagonist went their separate ways from that point, Nate to prison (whoops) and the protagonist to Orre with Mewtwo and Absol, still without its team. As a result, a lot of the content in them is going to remain the same--in both cases they'll fall at the beginning of an arc and mostly be concerned with setting up that arc's direction, introducing relevant information and characters. However, this time around the tone is a bit different--the protagonist's relationship with Mewtwo hadn't deteriorated quite so much in the old version, and this arc is instead where that would be happening! And, of course, not having Titan and the rest around made a big difference.
This Chapter 47 was originally only the first half of a chapter, with what now makes up the first half of 48 rounding things out. Due to trimming both here in 47 and last-minute changes to 46, I think ultimately I probably could have mashed those two together to get one long but reasonable chapter, and that would probably be my ideal. I like the idea of one chapter dedicated to getting from Kanto to the Cipher Key Lair, which will be our home base in Orre, and then laying out the general thrust of the protagonist's plan to indicate the direction of future chapters. As it is, though, not terrible to have a couple shorter chapters in the mix after some beastly long ones towards the end of the previous arc.
The introduction of this chapter is virtually unchanged; it's only once we actually arrive at the factory that things change. Because, naturally, the protagonist's pokémon are here this time around! I honestly like the initial "exploring the factory" phase better in the old version; I think it was tight and nicely atmospheric with just Mewtwo and the protagonist in the mix--the focus is much different with the pokémon there. Here are a couple bits I'm rather fond of but which I had to cut:
Mewtwo doesn't answer. Instead he begins to glow, really glow, purple light spilling from his fur. He steps into the dark hole he's created and swiftly recedes, like a diver sinking down into the black well of the deep. If you hesitate any longer you're going to lose him completely.
It's not much like the lab on Cinnabar. That still had lights, even at night when when almost everyone had gone home. And there was Mewtwo. You could feel the buzz of his psychic field, knew he was somewhere in the building, watching, hating you. But this is different, see, you never had these kinds of machines on Cinnabar, it was all medical equipment, not lasers and cranes and stuff. And now you know where Mewtwo is, you don't have to guess, to feel him lurking. It's not the same at all.
"And you would claim humans aren't evil," Mewtwo says, striding along the remains of a conveyor belt, following it deeper into the facility. "Here they are, feeding pokémon along an assembly line, just another product to be sold. Just another tool. So much more useful than normal pokémon."
Mewtwo takes to banging on the equipment as he goes past, bursts of telekinesis striking metal cabinets with hollow booms that echo down empty corridors. "They gave their broken pokémon away to trainers, to normal trainers, what you would call innocent, and they didn't even notice! Give them a pokémon with no spirit, who will do nothing but obey orders, and they couldn't tell the difference! They thought it was normal! And what does that mean for all the other pokémon, the ones who weren't shadowed, the ones those trainers supposedly loved so much?"
You walk behind Mewtwo, breathing in his anger. He's right in a way, you suppose. And more than that, he distracts you from the memories that threaten to creep in from the ruined lab around you.
"And where did they go?" Mewtwo roars. His next strike does more than boom, crumpling a section of metal wall. "They took my mother, and where did they go?"
On the other hand, at this point I like the final part, where the protagonist argues with Mewtwo, better in the original version. At this point we've seen plenty of Mewtwo bullying the protagonist, at times quite spectacularly! Having Rats there to push back and change the dynamic a bit makes things more interesting, I think. I like where things are going to go with Rats in particular in Orre; again, in the previous version she wasn't around to have any say in this nonsense whatsoever, but now she is not having any of Mewtwo's bullshit.
That's all I really have to say on this one, I think. There's not a lot going on here besides scene-setting and getting everyone in position to kick things off properly. With the next chapter we'll be introducing some new characters, enjoying a bit of Orre Lore(TM), and slowly moving into the rising action for this penultimate arc of the story. Looking forward to it! Orre at last.